She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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