pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
