The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
