You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
