What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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