i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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