Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
