You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
