exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
