Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I need a burrito and a hug.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
