I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
