that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
