Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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