don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
