New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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