Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
