did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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