i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
