we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Boobs speak an international language.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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