...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
