I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
