Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
