Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
