he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
