fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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