Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
