if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
