Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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