it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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