May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Randomize
