Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
