I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
