people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
