So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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