Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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