I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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