And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
