rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
