i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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