Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
