you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
you made out with another girl for some wings
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
