Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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