I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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