I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
