Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
