I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
