theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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