I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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