What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
