This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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