Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
