It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
