Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
