A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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