I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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