It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
