Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
